We’ve all experienced pain in our lives. Sometimes those negative feelings come from something that someone else did, something that had a huge impact on our lives. Usually, it is someone we loved or trusted. This pain makes us think that we are not capable of trusting someone again and prevents us from engaging in meaningful relationships.
Although it is difficult to be positive, there are some steps that can make us trust people again. It is not difficult to see a relationship with new eyes, what we need is just a different mindset.
The first thing we have to acknowledge is that suffering makes us stronger. We would not be who we are if we didn’t feel hurt at some point in our lives -and if we didn’t find out how to overcome that pain. Having the ability to start all over again, and knowing that pain is part of the game, is an important step in trusting other people.
We can not begin to trust other people if we don’t trust ourselves first. Trust that we will do the right choice and that we can find the right person. Sometimes it is just our way of thinking that puts hurdles on the way to achieving a meaningful relationship with others.
Truth is, we trust people every day. We trust the mailman to bring our post, we trust the employer at the cafe to give us our favorite drink. Sure, that is not the same as falling in love or making new friends. Still, it is a small act of trust, although we rarely pay much attention. And it can be a small proof that we are indeed capable of trusting someone and letting them in our lives.
One of the first things that people usually think after they break up or feel betrayed, is that they “don’t deserve” love. That is something that you should overcome. You have to believe that you do deserve to find love and that it will eventually happen. And that instead of staying in a poisonous relationship (whether with a lover or a friend), it is better to leave. In that way, the healing process can start, you can let yourself go, take risks and have a chance at finding happiness.
If you have been betrayed before and you think that it will happen again, well, it probably will. It’s not that you deserve it, it is that negative thoughts will start to influence your behavior. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Soon you will start to look for signs of betrayal and if you do that, then it’s possible that you will find them. So, it’s better to leave that negative cycle behind.
When it comes to people, your instinct is the best tool you can use. Usually, it has something to do with what you see in others. If you observe people, you can find out a lot about them and the way they treat other people. That can be a way of getting to know them. If you want to go further, try sharing a small secret with them. If you find out that they breached your confidence even for that, then consider how you would continue your relationship with them.
It is important to understand that people make mistakes. It is equally important to have faith in others, to believe that when someone does something it is out of love, that he/she has your best interest at heart. You can’t control everything another person does and life would be boring if you did that, anyway. So, stop expecting the worst from people. Give them the chance to surprise you, to prove that they are trustworthy, to make you happy. In that way, you can forgive and forget, and you can move forward.
Next time you will meet someone, have in mind the previous tips. You may end up hurt again, but you may find a way to enjoy relationships with other people. And most importantly: to not be afraid to love, to share, to be happy.