Self

The Truth about People Pleasing

May 20 2019 By Sriya

The word “People-Pleasing” seems like a good thing, right? It might make us think about a person looking out for others, helping the people around and doing what they can to make others happy.

Yes, of course it is. While people-pleasing may seem like it’s about taking care of other people and always being positive.

People-pleasing is sometimes a nature someone is born with and sometimes a learned process. We think that people who know how to please others are able to succeed quickly because they are able to talk and impress others easily.

To some extent it is true, if you can speak well, you can do anything. But is it always that good as it sounds? Is it always the way we think?

People-pleasing is something about us and our needs to be comfortable. It is a self-centered act driven by a lack of belief in ourselves. It is a way of running from ourselves by pretending that we are focusing on other people.

There are many circumstances and situations in which a person might turn to people pleasing but lack self-motivation. People-pleasers feel unworthy and they don’t see themselves as valuable.

As people-pleasers, we seek our worth and value externally.  We place our worth and value on our perception of others’ feelings toward us, or how other people treat us.

Let’s look at some of the unknown truth about people-pleasing.

 

Unable to deal with negative emotions

People-pleasures are not able to bear disappointment and negativity that other people bring in their lives. They often desire to be comfortable rather than being honest. Sometimes, they have difficulty dealing with their own big emotions and seek for comfort of others. Even if the other person id unhappy about something which has nothing to do with them, people-pleasers cannot handle their negative emotions.

 

Repress the true feeling and desires

Just to keep others happy and to seem good in front of others, people-pleasures sometimes keep their own emotions, feeling and needs hidden from others. If they revile it, they fear that it might create conflicts among people around them which would make they feel uncomfortable and guilty. It is easier for them to deny themselves in the name of doing what everyone else wants. They do not speak out their minds and are always willing to put themselves into a dis-empowered position. Also, they do not have the ability to claim who they are and what they want to do in life just to make others happy.

 

Apologize for everything

People-pleasure have a nature of making everything seem perfect all the time. In order not to have conflicts and make everything positive, they apologize on everything and anything. Excessive apologizing comes from a desire to not have people mad at them. As a people-pleaser, it is annoying when someone gets mad at them and makes them feel invaluable and unworthy sometimes.

 

Desire to control other’s reactions

Like said earlier, people-pleasures are often scared for others to get mad at them and try to fix everything as soon as possible. They often desire to control others reactions in order to feel valuable and comfortable in any kind of situations. People-pleasures somehow seem to manipulate others’ feelings and emotions in order to make them happy and peaceful and also to seem good in front of them. They are frequently busy attempting to control everyone else feelings so that they do not have to deal with their own stuffs and express themselves in the mass.

People-pleasures are actually a good person who’s desperate for affection and approval but who gets taken advantage of and is frequently mistreated due to their own lack of believe in themselves. They are driven by one singular need that is being helpful.

People-pleasures have low self-esteem and depend on other to boost it and instead of taking responsibility for building up their self-worth, they turn to everyone else to make them feel better about themselves.

Nevertheless, people-pleasures are someone who helps others and try to keep others happy sacrificing their own needs and desires.

So, those who have the habit of pleasing others should now focus more on their own desires and needs and try to be extrovert with their feelings and also try to be happy by themselves first in order to make others happy and peaceful.

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